I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
