she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
