my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
