why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
