You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
