if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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