we have officially lost it.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
