i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
