You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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