toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
