had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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