Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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