MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
