but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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