Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
