There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
