We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
