i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
