Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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