My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
