This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
