I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
