hell yes lets make some ravioli
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
