I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
