he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
