I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she told me i tasted like america
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
