Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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