He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
someone owes me an orgasm
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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