I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
