Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
