your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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