i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
