My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
