He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
