I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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