According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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