enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
