So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
