Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How drunk are you?
Completed.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
