I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
