if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
