when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it hurts more in the daytime
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
