Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
