What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
