Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
