is your mom at the bar?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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