the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
