Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love you. Go after that dick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
