If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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