If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
